Off My Noodle

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Can't We All Just Get Along?

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As much as I love the unfolding drama of a nail-bitingly close presidential election, I’m glad it will be over soon. That’s because emotions are so inflamed over partisan issues that friendships are fracturing all across the fruited plain. It nearly happened to me, too. I had made a lunch date with a friend (I’ll call her Simone, since that’s not her name, not even her middle name). As usual, I was eager to talk politics, but I realized that I didn’t know if Simone voted blue, red, chartreuse, or some other color. Not wanting to damper our date, I gingerly tested the waters.

“Did you happen to catch that TV interview last night with the veep candidate?” I asked.

Simone made a face and said, “I’d never be caught watching that,” she shuddered.
I absorbed her meaning instantly.

“Oh, me neither!” I lied, and then asked her how she liked her baked potato. At the end of lunch, Simone offered to walk me to my car, and I panicked. My political bumper sticker would surely give me away, and I didn’t want her to see it. I claimed that I had parked at least a mile away to get exercise and why didn’t she just toddle on back to the office? Good thing she didn’t notice my car parked four cars away from her own in the parking lot, but then again, even if she had seen it, she would never have guessed the car was mine. And if she had seen it and connected it with me, well, she would have had no choice but to take severe measures and delete me from her list of 459 Facebook friends.

In fact, bumper stickers can be dangerous to one’s health. My own small sticker made me the victim of road rage just a few weeks ago. The motorist behind me was literally driven insane by seeing the politically famous name on my sticker. She tailgated within two inches of my car, while screaming at me and making very, very rude gestures. I pulled over to allow the passionate citizen to pass and get to her anger management session quickly. Instead, she pulled up beside me and unleashed her limited inventory of verbal and finger invective. When she finally sped off, leaving a very large carbon footprint, I might add, I was able to read her own bumper sticker. It said, “Practice Random Acts of Kindness.” (Dang - I must have just missed my turn!) By the way, that slogan has always puzzled me: why do acts of kindness have to be random? Can’t these people plan ahead?

Discoveries of abhorrent political views among people you thought you liked and respected are taking place left, right, and centerfield these days, causing shock and revulsion among many. This is due to a sociological phenomenon I have observed in which some people who hold strident political opinions seem to assume that everyone in their social orbit (even if that orbit is as remote as Mars) will naturally hold the “right” opinions. Readers of my column have sent me political jokes that dinged my candidate because they were positive that I’d see the hilarity in it. (I never tell them the truth. Why alienate a potential buyer of my books?)

My friend Leslie received an email from the mother of an acquaintance—a woman she had met only once—urging her to work the local phone banks on behalf of her candidate. When Leslie replied that she supported the other party, the woman sent a livid email, including many exclamation points for good measure. “I thought you were smart! I misjudged you completely, you ignoramus!” the mother concluded huffily. I know of another relationship that was blunted unceremoniously via text message by a man who discovered that his friend supported the “wrong” ticket, making any further social connections impossible. Not only would these connections be unbearably embarrassing, but the man’s doctor had also warned him to take care with his blood pressure.

In my neighborhood, meanwhile, there is an insurgent lawn sign uprising. Until recently, most lawn signs supported only one of the main candidates, but now, emboldened by the impending election, lawn signs for the opposing party are sprouting up in silent but proud retort to those across the street. I fear that any planned block parties will probably be postponed for the time being.

Of course, no matter the outcome of the election, many Americans will be deeply unhappy. But looking at the bright side, it might help our imploding economy. I’m already imagining a booming business among therapists and perhaps even bumper sticker manufacturers. Maybe the slogan for the next few years might become “Practice Random Acts of Political Tolerance.” Okay, so it’s not that catchy, but who knows? It’s so crazy, it just might work.

Maybe.

(Adapted from an article on http://www.aish.com.)

Posted by judy @ 01:57 PM • (0) Comments