Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Why Aren't We Happier?
Many months ago I had the pleasure of interviewing Rabbi Yisroel Roll, a Baltimore-based psychotherapist who specializes in self-esteem enhancement. A former attorney from Toronto who also served as the rabbi of the New West End Synagogue in London, England, Rabbi Roll has also written the books “When the Going Gets Tough: Dealing with Life’s Ups and Downs” and “Inner Peace: Achieving Self-Esteem through Prayer.” I’ve wanted to share some of his insights into happiness with you for a very long time that I learned while listening to him give a lecture and later, in a follow-up interview I conducted with him. Here are a few snippets of his wisdom that appeared in Jewish Life magazine. To learn more, check out his books and the web site he runs in conjunction with Dr. Abraham Twerski, http://www.12steps2selfesteem.org.
Q: Why do we find happiness so difficult to achieve?
A: People can get stuck in Hollywood’s perception of happiness, associating happiness with physical pleasure. But real happiness means growing in character from one level to the next, recreating yourself in the image of God as individuals, spouses, parents, and friends. There is a hierarchy of motivations for living, from a low level of self-preservation to the highest level of dedicating yourself to a meaningful project, really doing something hands-on. The byproduct of living at that higher level is real happiness, something that lasts.
Another key to happiness is discovering what your personal unique contribution is in this world. Once you discover what your strengths and personal dreams are in making a contribution to God’s world, you automatically stop looking at what the neighbors are doing, and the pressures of “keeping up with the Jones’” materially or spiritually is obviated. You need to be creative with your creativity. You cannot stultify your creativity or your soul will dry up.
Q: You recommend living in the moment. How does one do that?
A: It doesn’t mean acting on impulse; it means living consciously so you don’t miss the message that God is showing you in this moment. We need to stop and smell the coffee, so to speak, and do so while we have the opportunity. The famous rabbi, Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, visited the Swiss Alps when he was 90 years old. He didn’t want to meet God and be asked, “Why didn’t you go see my Alps?” Also, try to find meaningful spiritual connections each day: laughing with your spouse or children, cherishing the feeling of singing a song. Breathe in the Creation! This day was made for you!
Q: How do you dig out from under when times are hard?
A: First, look for things that are going right. Use your free will to choose the right reaction to various events. Try to train yourself to worry less, to react less dramatically to situations. Nobody can “make” you angry, happy, etc. You choose your own reactions to situations. However, we are all tested by God at various times, and we all spend some time walking through the desert, metaphorically speaking. This is our time for introspection and to bring us greater self-actualization. If we are not proactive enough in finding our purpose, we may end up in that desert for a while. But again, this personal growth ultimately leads to happiness.
Rabbi Roll can be reached at . See more of his work on the web site, http://www.12steps2selfesteem.org.