Monday, September 10, 2007

"Not It!" Another School Bans Tag

Now that school is back in session, it’s heartening to see school administrators rightly focusing on one of the most urgent issues in education: the banning of “tag.” Spearheaded several years ago by an elementary school in Santa Monica, California, now a school in Colorado Springs, Colorado has boldly followed suit. Like home economics and wood shop classes in middle school, “tag” has been tossed on the ash heap of failed educational experiments.

I would think it would be hard for administrators to defend this with a straight face, but they claim (really!) that some kids complained that their feelings were hurt by being tagged “it.” Of course! Name-calling during a chase-game must be the ultimate objectification of children! Naturally, the game must be outlawed!

Fortunately, parents with sense (I hope this is not an endangered minority) were less sure about the wisdom of banning the game. “Tag is an essential part of growing up,” argued one parent. “If you can’t handle being named ‘it,’ in fourth grade, how will you handle having your head dunked in a keg of beer during fraternity rush in college?”

Not surprisingly, the ban on tag in some schools has opened up the possibilities for the eradication of other dangerous games. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time when we hear from the Coalition to Ban Duck-Duck-Goose, who will applaud the bravery of Colorado school administrators for understanding the dangers of competitive games such as tag, which may lower self-esteem and may even cause eating disorders in girls. They will, no doubt, encourage schools everywhere to outlaw other potentially hurtful games, including “Duck-Duck-Goose,” “Red Rover, Red Rover,” “Steal the Bacon,” and “Kick the Can.” Why, come to think of it, even the names of these games are aggressive, teaching violence and theft. And how would Jewish kids feel about a game in which they are forced to steal bacon?  Therapists, man your stations! 

Well, now that we’ve got tag out of the way, can we let the learning begin? It’s almost time for the sex-ed class for 2nd-graders!