Judy Gruen's Mirth & Meaning Blog

Author Archives: Judy Gruen

Seizing the Day

( Photo credit: Reuven Ansh Photography)

Have you ever done something that was both so spontaneous and also so “big” that you almost couldn’t believe you did it? Well, about six weeks ago I realized that the annual Jerusalem Women’s Writers Seminar was coming up fast. I had never been to it, and I wanted to go. Israel is close to my heart but not to my house. It’s 11,000 miles away and a 14-hour flight, if you go direct.

I emailed the conference organizer (we knew of one another professionally) and basically invited myself to come and teach, and she agreed! About 250 women attended, as well as editors from the world of religious Jewish book and magazine publishing. I gave a presentation on the “FUNdamentals” of humor writing, which fortunately got a lot of laughs and also had the audience scribbling down tips I was offering. In the afternoon, I taught a workshop to 30 participants on the art of persuasive writing.
It was immensely gratifying to be able to share so much of what I have learned over many years as a writer with a larger community of writers. And, as it always is, it was immensely gratifying to be in Israel. In addition to teaching at the seminar, I had the opportunity to speak about my memoir, The Skeptic and the Rabbi, for members of AACI, the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel.
Altogether, I had a fantastic week, and wrote a column about one very special aspect of my experience for the Jewish Journal: Gifts from Jerusalem.
I also treated myself to something completely unprecedented, which was upgrading to “Premium Coach” for the long return flight. It wasn’t Business Class, but it felt like First Class to me, with wider seats and more than two inches of space between me and the person in front of me. The food was also outstanding, and served on real plates. I even got a goody bag with socks, a little toothbrush and toothpaste, a silky eye shade, and a few more things. I could get used to flying like this, if only I could afford it!

No, You Cannot Make Fun of Plastic Cutlery

Aren’t we all ( or at least most of us) fed up with the dictates of politically correct gendarmes narrowing the scope of “acceptable” language? These are a mirthless bunch, and the are having a “chilling effect” on humor, too. When I made a mild joke on social media about the spork, a hybrid piece of plastic cutlery, I got reamed, big time.

Here’s the column I wrote about it on the website American Thinker.

 

On My Bookshelf

Alert readers may recall that in the last newsletter, which admittedly was back in April, I raved about Kitchen Table Wisdom, but I was only halfway through with it. Now that I finished it, I can reaffirm that it deserved all the accolades it has received. It is filled with short, elegantly written stories from the author’s life, from her perspectives as a patient with a serious, life-threatening illness, a physician who became a counselor to cancer patients, a daughter and a friend.

I just bought the newly published Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, written by Benjamin Dryer, the executive managing editor and copy chief of Random House. I’ve only just started it, but it’s already a delight. Dryer teaches amusingly. Among his rules: “The passive voice is to be avoided,” and “Sentence fragments. They’re bad.” If you’re looking to tidy up your prose and refresh your knowledge of writing rules, this may be your go-to book.

Finally, I am on the edge of my seat as I close in on the ending of Perfect, a novel written by Rachel Joyce, the incredibly talented author of another of my favorite books, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. From the inside book jacket: “A spellbinding story of a young boy who is thrown, with far-reaching consequences, into the murky, difficult realities of the adult world.” I won’t say any more than this except to go and get this book!

New reader raves for The Skeptic and the Rabbi

From Amazon reader reviews:

” I found the book very insightful and could not put it down. Read it in 6 hours.”

“[A] charming and well-written book that explains a difficult subject with elegance and restraint of style that is admirable. . . This is the kind of thing I would have liked to have passed to relatives and friends who wondered what strange lifestyle I was getting myself into many years ago.”

“This is a book that will stay with you for a very long time. It is food for the soul.”

More book clubs are selecting The Skeptic and the Rabbi for their groups. Why not yours?

Click here to purchase your copy of The Skeptic and The Rabbi: Falling in Love With Faith

 

California’s Green New Deal

After so many years of drought, this past winter got us good and wet here in Southern California. We are delighted to see our local hills and mountains — dry and brown for years — now carpeted in glorious green. Flowers are blooming throughout the region so bountifully that the Wall Street Journal ran a recent story about visitors jamming the nearby regions where the famous California poppies are putting on quite the colorful extravaganza. Until I can get to the poppies myself, I can go outside and enjoy the vibrant white and purple of our walkway daisies. Last year we had a few anemic bunches surrounding by dry soil. Now they are spilling over onto the sidewalk!
As a lifelong Californian, I’ve been trained to be “water-wise,” if not a “water miser.” I admit to a low-grade neurosis over using too much water for laundry or dishes, watering the grass, or showering. Water is precious and I still try to conserve, knowing that the drought might return next year. It is a feeling of luxury to have our water storage at comfortable levels for the first time in years.

Always Be Nice When You Answer the Phone!

With so many “robocalls” and unwelcome sales calls jamming our phone lines, I ignored a message asking me to return a call from a woman who was vague about her purpose. She called again a few weeks later, and I recognized the area code. Feeling ornery and assuming she wanted to sell me something, I admit I was huffy, even rude to her at first. When will these marketers realize we hate these calls? I wondered. When I discovered that this kind woman was the chair of a local book club and wanted to know if I would come and speak to the group, I was mortified.
“Can we start this call all over again? That is, if you even still want me, which I would totally understand if you didn’t. . . ” I blathered, feeling lower and lower. Susie graciously laughed it off, and a few weeks later I drove to her group, about an hour away from my home. It was a delightful evening in a beautiful home, set up with elegant desserts and floral arrangements. They treated me better than I deserved, and I was overwhelmed with their graciousness and generosity. We had a great discussion about my memoir, The Skeptic and the Rabbi, and book sales were brisk.
Lesson learned. If you’re going to answer the phone, be nice! You don’t know who’s on the other line.
I also recently spoke at the The Academy for Jewish Religion, California, a seminary that trains rabbis, cantors and chaplains to serve congregations and organizations of any Jewish denomination. There was a great turnout, and the audience had lots of questions, which is always very gratifying. I especially appreciate these opportunities to speak to religiously diverse crowds about my own unexpected path to Torah observance.

The Shtisel Phenomenon

In my wildest imagination, I would never have guessed that a television series about an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family living in Jerusalem would become an overnight sensation. But when Netflix purchased the rights to broadcast the Israeli show Shtisel, that’s exactly what happened. As I wrote in my feature (linked below) on Aish.com, the show has captured the hearts and imaginations not only of Jews across the religious spectrum, but also of many non-Jews as well. As testimony to the show’s appeal, my story on Aish.com has so far garnered more than 3,400 social media shares — pretty incredible!

Here’s how I explained my Shtisel addiction at the beginning of the story:

“On a recent Shabbat afternoon, I was arranging chicken on a serving platter when I heard one of our lunch guests talking about the hit Israeli series,  Shtisel. I dropped my serving fork on the counter with a clang and hustled into the dining room.

‘No talking about  Shtisel  till I’m back at the table!’ I commanded, taken aback by my own vehemence. After all, our guest was not giving a D’var Torah; he was just talking about a television show about make-believe people. Yet, like thousands of other Shtisel  devotees, my husband and I were hooked on the show from the first episode. It was compulsively watchable, even gripping in its quiet way. Now, I couldn’t bear for even a “bissel” (little bit) of  Shtisel  talk to take place without me.”

Read the rest of the story here

 

Becoming a Grandmother Made Me Rethink My Priorities — in the new Nashim Magazine

A few new online magazines geared for religious Jewish women have sprouted over the last year or so, and I am really pleased to be a regular contributor to one of the best of them:  Nashim Magazine.

“Nashim” is Hebrew for “women,” and I salute the amazing editor Rochel Lazar for her professional work. In addition to putting together a smart and smartly designed magazine each month, she also homeschools her children and takes care of her infant. This is one dynamic woman who I’m sure barely sleeps! I wish her continued success with this worthy journalistic mission. I sure hope she can sneak in the occasional nap.

ast month  Nashim  ran my piece about  National Organizing Month. This month, they are running an essay about how becoming a grandmother (a few years back) helped me reassess my priorities. The essay originally appeared in the  Chicago Tribune.

Here’s how it starts:

“I am on a slow excursion around the block with my granddaughters, Leeba, 2, and Ahuva, 4. I also brought along my very elderly dog, who is 103 in human years. Just imagine how slow we are going with this crew.

Ahuva abruptly drops the handle of the red wagon she is pulling to scamper onto a short wall. Leeba ditches her plastic car, saying she is too tired to pedal. What was I thinking when I set off with two little kids, a dog, a wagon and a kiddie car? I am out of hands to deal with it all.”

Read the rest of the story here

 

“Politics Claims Another Friendship” in the Jewish Journal

Our political divide in this nation is very troubling, and many friendships and family relationships have soured as a result. This essay, in the March 29 issue of the Jewish Journal, describes how it has affected me personally:

“My friendship with ‘Caroline’ had been fading for years when, on a whim, I clicked on her Facebook page. When I landed there, I had a shock. She had replaced her previous personal photo — where she stands next to her husband, both of them smiling — with an illustration aiming daggers at political conservatives. It depicted a woman, seemingly Lady Justice, forcibly held down on a table. A man stands above her menacingly, his white hands projecting out of the sleeves of an expensive-looking suit. He gags the blindfolded woman with one hand as the other clamps down on her wrist, forcing her scales of justice to lay in disarray.

The pièce de résistance? The bold red-white-and-blue Republican elephant logos burnishing the man’s shirt cuffs.”

Read the rest of the story here

 

On My Bookshelf

I’ve just finished two very different novels, both based on real people. The title links will take you to my reviews on Goodreads, where, by the way, I have 170 book reviews, if you want to scroll through and look for books to enjoy — or in some cases, avoid! The Velveteen Daughter by Laurel Davis Huber, is a diligently researched and well written book about Pamela Bianco, an artistic child prodigy and daughter of Margery Williams Bianco, author of 24 children’s books, including the classic work, The Velveteen Rabbit. I also reviewed The Orchard, a novel by Israeli author Yochi Brandes and recently translated into English, about the life and times of Rabbi Akiva, one of the towering figures in religious Jewish history.

Currently, I am about halfway through with Kitchen Table Wisdom, a fabulous book that I know I will read more than once. This book was a bestseller when it first was published about 20 years ago. Filled with very short, elegantly written stories from her life as a daughter, a patient with a serious, life-threatening illness, a physician, and then a counselor to cancer patients, author Rachel Naomi Remen fills every page with quiet wisdom. It is no surprise that she became a pioneer in the field of integrative health. I don’t have to get to the end of this book to recommend it as strongly as possible.

 

New reader raves for The Skeptic and the Rabbi

From Amazon reader reviews:

“[A] charming and well-written book that explains a difficult subject with elegance and restraint of style that is admirable. . . This is the kind of thing I would have liked to have passed to relatives and friends who wondered what strange lifestyle I was getting myself into many years ago.”

“This is a book that will stay with you for a very long time. It is food for the soul.”

More book clubs are selecting The Skeptic and the Rabbi for their groups. Why not yours?

Click here to purchase your copy of The Skeptic and The Rabbi: Falling in Love With Faith

I’m Back in the Email Groove

February 2019

I am happy to relaunch my News & Note s newsletter after a very long hiatus. I love the new look, and hope you will find it easy to read and worthy of sharing with others.

I’ve been productively busy with many writing projects, and am especially excited to share the publication of my first fiction story, published today in the Jewish Journal . (See below). I’m also doing more work as a book editor and ghostwriter, while also keeping up my feature and essay writing and promotional events for my book, The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith.

I never get tired of my work. Each assignment, whether short feature or book-length topic, teaches me new things. Recent and current projects have taught me about best leadership practices, holistic approaches to treating cancer, and nuances in dealing with people who have sensitive emotional make-ups.

For a good part of the last year, I was not feeling so great. In fact, I felt lousy and tired much of the time. I am extremely grateful to be feeling so much better now. I’m doing more yoga (Namaste!), and while I do not stand on my head as some of my classmates do, I am pretty proud of myself for getting stronger and more balanced through the practices. Picking up my youngest grandchildren is also wonderful form of exercise, though they are heavy to use as free weights and I must put them down after a short while. The other day I reached into a jacket pocket when I was out for an errand and pulled out a pacifier — sure evidence that I am also active in my role as Nana Gruen to our four beautiful, smart and funny grandchildren. (What else did you think I would have said about them?)

In trying to pick a suitable image to reinvent my newsletter, I couldn’t think of a better one than this incredible set up celebrating a life involvement with books, a photo that any bibliophile will love. I took this photo at The Last Bookstore in downtown Los Angeles. A worthy place to visit! I picked up two used volumes of Bernard Malamud short stories and am eager to dive in.

Books that I have recently read and highly recommend include Clementine: The Life of Mrs. Winston Churchill , by Sonia Purnell. Mrs. Churchill was Sir Winston’s secret weapon, and it was very eye-opening to read about how much her political astuteness, powers of diplomacy, dynamism and endless support are vastly underappreciated contributions to her husband’s career. Keeping with the British theme, I also just finished The Summer Before the War, and reread Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand , both based in England and written by the wonderful Helen Simonson. She is one of my favorites.

My four-year-old granddaughter has recently learned that fiction means that a book is not true, and it is so cute that almost any book I read to her from our book of children’s titles will prompt her to ask, “Is this fiction?” even when the main characters are dogs or teddy bears. This is part of the joy of having grandchildren nearby. So is having them rush into the house on a rainy Sunday to color, string beads, and raid my pantry. Jeff and I are so blessed to have them near us.

 

“The Inheritance” — My first short fiction story, published in the Jewish Journal

This is a big milestone for me — a short story I first wrote years ago, and have revised many times since then — has found a home in the Jewish Journal , which does not normally publish fiction. “The Inheritance” is the story of a couple facing a growing rift in their marriage over their diverging approaches to Jewish tradition. I would love to know what you think of it. Please post comments via Facebook at the end of the story, or write to me at judyrgruen@gmail.com.

After so many years of writing non-fiction exclusively, I wondered if I could write a good short story. You will have to be the judge of that.

Read the story here

 

“Getting Older and Looking it Too” Essay in the New York Daily News

I was pleased to have my first essay in the New York Daily News recently. Here’s how it begins:

“I’m at the gym, fruitlessly trying to keep up with an endless loop of ab crunches. I steal a look at the clock; has it only been 12 minutes since class began? Oral surgery goes faster than this.

Most of the other dozen or so women here are young enough to be my daughters, beautiful and toned enough to be on TV. But this is West Hollywood — they probably are on TV when they aren’t perfecting the Body Beautiful. The woman to my right looks like she might also be in her late 50s, but who can tell? In Los Angeles, it’s a misdemeanor to look older than 35.”

Read the rest of the story here

 

So many articles, so little time

I ‘ve published several pieces since last sending out a newsletter, but I’ll highlight two of them here. In “Stop the Sloganeering on the Cereal Aisle,” I write about how politically, socially, environmentally and gastronomically correct shopping is driving me nuts. It’s also an economically unsustainable practice.

Read the story here

 

 

Aish.com just published a longer-than-usual story of mine based on the new book by father-and-son writers David and Nic Sheff,High: Everything You Want to Know about Drugs, Alcohol. and Addiction. The book was written for teens but is important for anyone who is involved in a teenager’s life.

David Sheff is the author of the book, “Beautiful Boy,” recently made into a movie. Both father and son have written memoirs about their experiences with Nic’s years of addiction.

Read this story here

 

New reader raves for The Skeptic and the Rabbi

From Amazon reader reviews:

“This was a fabulous book. It helped me understand a whole other way of life.”

“Judy is a captivating writer and she explains what it’s like to become observant . . . Kudos to her for putting a positive Orthodox Jewish story out into the world.”

“For the Jewish reader looking to expand his or her understanding of Torah and Judaism, this book will resonate deeply. This is a book that will stay with you for a very long time. It is food for the soul.”

By the way, more book clubs are choosing my memoir to read — why not yours? I’m appearing at local book clubs, but if you’re far away, I can show up via Skype or Zoom!

Click here to purchase your copy of The Skeptic and The Rabbi: Falling in Love With Faith

 

As Summer Ends. . .

Mothers and fathers across the country are beginning to catch their collective breaths because school has begun! In recognition of this milestone, I offered as my first contribution to the new online magazine called Nashim one of my favorite columns, called The Kids Are Back in School and I’m Broke. I am really glad that over the years I chose to write so many “evergreen” columns as opposed to time-sensitive pieces, because now I can share some of my tales from the front lines of motherhood with a younger generation of parents. So far, they are enjoying the parental  commiseration!

Speaking of school, three of our four children are employed as teachers in Jewish education, and our son who is not actively teaching is in law school, but he also teaches on the side. Jeff and I are so proud of our kids for so many reasons, first and foremost because they are wonderful human beings who have brought into our family equally wonderful spouses and in a few cases, grandchildren (lots of extra points for grandchildren!). We are proud of their commitment to Jewish education, where they have the potential to have enormous and lasting positive impact on how children learn, and see the world, and their place in it.

 

The latest news about The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith

For you Kindle readers who haven’t yet downloaded The Skeptic and the Rabbi, hurry up! Now through September 7, it’s on sale for the practically free price of .99! As they say on the radio, “this promotion won’t last,” so here’s the direct link to purchase: https://amzn.to/2OyswqS

In other news, the audiobook version is in the final editing stages, and I hope that within a month it will be for sale. As soon as it is, I’ll let you know and will also upload an audio clip from the first chapter. I couldn’t have asked for a better narrator, Susanna Burney, and producer, Lyssa Browne of Cedar House Audio.

I continue to hear from readers who are enjoying my memoir. Recently, a college student with an exuberant personality wrote to tell me it literally has changed her life. Now that was an incredible thing. We are now corresponding, as she begins to make pivotal decisions about her own life’s journey, and I am reminded of the huge responsibility it is to put your writing out there–you do not know the impact it may have.

I also know of a few high school teachers who are adding The Skeptic and the Rabbi to their class reading lists. For local schools, of course I’m available to come and speak to the classes. I think my book can really help give teens as well as adults the courage of their convictions, especially in an age where the pressures to “resist” nearly all forms of traditional values is exceptionally strong.

Links to recently published columns

I was prompted to write When Name Calling Is a Good Thing, published in the Jewish Journal, when I began to notice that the simple act of addressing people by name, whether store clerks, customer service agents on the phone, or anywhere else, made a big difference in our otherwise small interactions. Try it and see what happens!

On Aish.com, I wrote a review of a wonderful documentary titled 93Queen, about the first all-woman (and all Hasidic) EMS squad serving the Orthodox community of Borough Park, New York. You’ll find this one fascinating. In the process, I was able to interview Judge Ruchie Freier, the first female Hasidic judge elected in New York, who was the primary mover and shaker behind the EMS squad, called Ezras Nashim.

And on The Wisdom Daily, you won’t be surprised to see me arguing against the commonplace use of profanity in the essay Is Overuse of Profanity Harming our Society?

Also on the same website, I pled guilty to irrational emotions when it was time to retire an aged food processor. You can read about it in my column Why I Get Sentimental About Old Kitchen Appliances.

Rosh Hashana — What Awaits Us in the New Year?

In a little more than a week Jews will usher in our High Holidays: Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and then Sukkot and Simchat Torah. September will be jam-packed with reflection, prayer, celebration, and unless we are very, very careful, way too much food. I will have an essay in next week’s Jewish Journal about seeing ourselves as worthy of God’s love, attention and forgiveness (when we need it); I hope some of you might go to their website and check it out–it will be online beginning September 7.

I wish each and every one of you a meaningful beginning to the Jewish New Year, or to the fall season, or both–just wishing you health and blessings all around.

One last note: I have a new email address: judyrgruen@gmail.com. Please write to me at this address going forward.

All the best,

Judy

News and Notes from Judy

On Friday it turned blisteringly HOT here in Los Angeles. We had been fortunate that all of Spring, and all of June were lovely and temperate. It was only a matter of time before the sun began to beat down on us in the triple digits. It was so hot, in fact, that in the midst of writing this long-overdue note we had a power outage in my neighborhood, so there went not only my plans to press the “send” button to my subscribers, but I also had to scramble to bring our Shabbat meal to the friends we had invited here for dinner.

It would have been no fun to have a meal in a meltingly hot, dark dining room, so we went to our friends instead, whose AC was on, but when we walked home at 10:30 p.m., the city workers were still trying to get the power back on after six hours. Very fortunately, most of our block was already powered up and our AC was laboring to cool down the house. I hope the rest of the summer won’t be quite this scorching here, and for you, wherever you live!

Recent Articles
Since it’s been so long since I’ve sent out a note, there is a longer-than-usual list of recent articles to share with you. I’m pleased to have made my first contribution to The Wisdom Daily, with a column about my sometimes conflicted feelings when charity-seekers knock on my door.

And on Aish.com, I hope you will check out my story about the marvelous new movie, Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, about Fred Rogers. This documentary is fascinating, heartwarming, and important. It’s very much about the values of caring and civility, and of putting children first in a meaningful way, not a superficial one.

Other pieces on Aish.com include an essay about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, as seen through the Book of Ruth; my review of the Amy Schumer comedy, I Feel Pretty, a mediocre movie that explores an interesting question, about the role of confidence in making a woman feel attractive; and an essay reflecting on interfaith marriages.

Recommended Books!

Check out my reviews on Goodreads from these terrific titles: If All the Seas Were Ink, a memoir by Ilana Kurshan; Come Back for Me, historical fiction by Sharon Hart-Greene, Conversations with God: Prayers for Jewish Women, a lovely, relatable guide to prayers by Ruchi Koval, and Jumping Over Shadows, Annette Gendler’s fascinating story about her conversion to Judaism as a gentile growing up in post-war Germany.

Not yet reviewed but highly recommended: Ann Patchett’s wonderful novels Commonwealth and Bel Canto. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to getting around to reading the work of this tremendously talented and justly acclaimed author.

Other News
I am excited to announce that an audiobook of The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith, will soon be in the works. In recent months I have been listening to dozens of potential narrators, trying to find that special voice who can best capture my own in telling this very personal story. I’m down to a few finalists, both extremely talented but with quite different tones. I never imagined it would be so hard to choose! I’ll certainly keep you posted when the audiobook is available; I hope by the end of the summer.

More 5-star reviews are being added to my book’s Amazon page; if you have not yet read my memoir, or have been waiting for “the right time,” now is it! It is available in both softcover and ebook and makes a wonderful gift, book club selection. I’m so pleased that several high school and college writing instructors are also planning to add it to their class lists this fall.

From the latest Amazon reviews:

“Judy Gruen makes her memoir about embracing Jewish religious observances extremely warm and with a healthy sprinkling of humor. It can probably resonate with people from any faith. This is a very realistic look at Orthodox Judaism through the eyes of a woman who had many preconceived ideas.” 

“I have recently begun digging into the Jewish roots of my faith. I’m sure exactly where to begin I didn’t know what to expect when I got this book but I was so quickly drawn in and it wasn’t long before I finished reading this one. It’s amazing how everything comes to life within the pages of this book. So many amazing things I learned simple details that weren’t as simple as I once thought. And so many wonderful ideas I gained for myself as to how to move forward and live this out within my family.”

Finally, I have all but wrapped up another book project that has taken a great deal of concentrated time and energy. I can’t say too much about it because this time, I have been the ghostwriter, the silent partner behind the author of record. I welcomed this opportunity after the intensity of working on my memoir and the surprising fatigue that followed its publication. I am proud of this book as well, and am gratified that I have helped a person of great erudition and wisdom bring his message to the public.

I thank all of you who continue to follow my work, read and recommend my books, and write to me via my website or on Facebook. It is such a pleasure and satisfaction to have your support.

Stay well, stay cool, and read great books!

With warm wishes (unrelated to the outside heat),

Judy

News and Notes

I write this just two days before the holiday of Passover — a holiday incomparably rich with spiritual depth and meaning. It has always been striking to me that even Jews who have become distant from observing most other holidays or the Sabbath, participate eagerly in a Passover seder. There is something so momentous in the historical sweep of the narrative, so much to consider and review about God’s personal intervention in the Jewish exodus from slavery to peoplehood, that it’s no wonder this holiday has such staying power.

For those of you who celebrate Passover, I wish you a meaningful and inspiring experience!

New articles
Speaking of Passover, here is a column I wrote titled Invite These Five Women to Your Seder, about the women who were instrumental in the Exodus story.

I will also have an essay in the Jewish Journal titled “The Atheist at the Seder,” which should be online by March 29. If you’ve read my memoir, The Skeptic and the Rabbi, you will recognize the story and, I hope, will appreciate the message!

Unrelated to Passover, I also have a review of a new movie called A Bag of Marbles, about the extraordinary experience of two French brothers during the Holocaust and how they survived. It is in French with English subtitles, and is currently in theaters in L.A. and New York, with a continued rollout to other cities in coming weeks.

Books I’ve Recently Enjoyed
I find myself returning to favorite reads now and then, including Sense and Sensibility (followed, of course, by the excellent 1995 film adaptation) and Edith Wharton’s short story collection Roman Fever. I also just finished The House at Tyneford and We Were the Lucky Ones, both of which are World War II-period novels, both very well done. For Passover reading, I bought a Hagaddah with brilliant and deep insightful commentary by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson.

Ebook sale!
Have you been meaning to download a copy of The Skeptic and the Rabbi, but haven’t gotten around to it yet? Don’t wait any longer! Now through April 14, the ebook versions on Kindle, Nook and Kobo are only .99!

Latest reviews of The Skeptic and the Rabbi
“Honesty shines throughout the book, as Gruen refuses to sugarcoat her narrative. The memoir is a terrific read for anyone curious about the Torah lifestyle,” wrote Leah Aharoni in her review of my book in the current issue of Jewish Action Magazine.
I am so pleased and proud to have this new review, as well as one by the Association of Jewish Librarians. From their review: “A thoughtful guide for people―young and old, individuals and couples―seeking greater connection and meaning in Judaism. Recommended for synagogue libraries.”

Ready for Spring

After a long winter, I am heartened to see the first buds on one of my favorite trees in my backyard — you’d think I would know the name of it if it’s my favorite, but I do not. The pink buds will slowly open into lovely heart-shaped green leaves, and our lemon tree is sprouting new fruits every day, which I look forward to picking and using in my tea and in my cooking.

I am still — still! — not back to my full energy. My malaise has been slightly mysterious, and I have dosed up on Chinese herbs, supplements, rest, acupuncture, chiropractic sessions, and contemplation. Maybe I did that in the wrong order! All are working, but too slowly for my impatient self. One lesson I know I have to learn is to just accept what is happening and have faith that God will allow me to regain my full strength as He renews and restores the bloom on trees and plants for spring.

Wishing you all good health, happiness and the pleasures of spring!

News and Notes from Judy

Baby Love

Dear Readers,

This season has brought joy and blessing to our family. Our fourth grandchild, our second grandson, was born January 14, at a strapping 9 pounds, 2 ounces. His name is Reuven Yitzchak (Robert Issac), carrying the name of both his great-grandfathers.

We feel enormously blessed to have children who are bringing in a new generation to the world. So many people are not making parenthood a priority; and I hope they will change their minds for all the right reasons! We are especially fortunate that our grandchildren live nearby, filling our lives with joy, trips to the park, and yes, sometimes sprained shoulders or sore backs from too much lifting of little people topping 30 or 40 pounds!

This was also the third time I had the privilege of attending a grandchild’s birth. It is dramatic and awesome to witness it. What a miracle!

New columns, reviews, and other professional news

Professionally I have also been busy. My recent columns on Aish.com include my observations after my first experience knowing someone who chose physician-assisted suicide — something that affected me very powerfully. Other columns focused on Harvey Weinstein and the “Me-Too” phenomenon, a promising twist in the world of fashion, and more. You can check out my whole line up of stories on this wonderful website here.

I also taught my first Zoom-based seminar on the mechanics of persuasive writing to a group of women writers around the world. It was so satisfying to teach what I have learned over the course of so many years, and I look forward to more such opportunities.

My new book, The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith, has earned a growing number of glowing reviews, and was chosen as the book review of the month in December on Story Circle Network.

Reviewer Susan Hanson wrote: “While offering the reader a greater understanding of Orthodox practices, Gruen’s memoir can speak to a person of any faith–or even none. Indeed, the experience she describes could easily belong to a young Muslim woman who chooses to wear the hijab in defiance of her family, or a Christian who forgoes a lucrative career to work with the poor. At heart, this is a book about finding and claiming one’s identity, about authentic choices, about embracing tradition out of love and not duty.”

 

In addition to appearing on a number of radio programs and podcasts, writer Kylie Lobell did a nice profile of me in the Jewish Journal.

I am so pleased by the enthusiastic reception to my book. If you don’t have a copy yet, don’t wait any longer! Please consider making your purchase from Barnes & Noble, which has  generously stocked the book in many stores and of course also online.  Reviews are especially appreciated on both Barnes & Noble and Amazon, by the way.

Are you a member of a book club? If so, The Skeptic and the Rabbi has a terrific readers’ guide, and I am happily bookable for Skype- or Zoom-based book club events!

The Flu Blues

This has also truly been “the winter of our discontent,” with virulent flu viruses causing mayhem and misery for millions of people. I have been among those hit hard, and still trying to recover my full strength after being walloped very suddenly on December 10 — a night that will live in infamy for me. It came over me minutes after Jeff and I were seated in the balcony section of a concert hall and enjoying the Concerto Number 3 in G Major of the full set of Brandenburg Concertos, played by the wonderful Los Angeles County Chamber Orchestra. We had to leave before the first movement finished, presto! I hope I will be fully energetic again soon, and I hope all of YOU are well and stay that way!

With warm wishes for a healthy rest of the winter,

Judy

Leashless in Los Angeles — a Fond Farewell to Our Family Dog

Dear Readers,

The past few months have been jam-packed with excitement for my family and me. Joyously, we celebrated the marriage of one of our sons to a wonderful young woman in Baltimore; my book, The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith, is now published and getting rave reviews from readers and reviewers; Barnes & Noble is promoting my memoir on special in-store displays in many stores nationwide, and my book launch event at The Community Shul, my synagogue in Los Angeles, drew a nearly full house. After publishing three previous books that have not received anywhere near this kind of reception, I am hugely grateful! Now I am trying to focus on the upcoming High Holidays, with Rosh Hashana just a few days away, and thinking about the biggest issues of life — what am I doing with my life, and am I fulfilling the job that the Almighty set out for me? I am looking forward to this reflective, and to me, ultimately joyful time.

Here’s a new essay titled Why Choosing a Torah Life Was the Hardest Thing I Ever Did, my first piece for Forward.com and one that explains why I wrote my memoir in the first place. This esssay is generating a lot of positive discussion on social media, which is a good thing.

Aside from all the exciting news, though, our family also bid a sad goodbye a few months ago to Ken, our beagle-lab who had just turned 15. He was a wonderful family dog, cute, funny, troublesome, and lovable. This column about him first appeared on Aish.com with a different title and is reprinted here with permission.

Ken believed that frequent rest periods helped him stay fit for leaping onto the kitchen table to steal snacks.

No sooner had my daughter posted the news of Ken’s passing than the condolence comments and crying emojis poured online. Friends and relatives called to express their sympathy. A neighbor hugged me in the supermarket, tearful, saying how much she would miss him.

But at the equivalent of 105 in human years, our dog’s time had come. Mischievous to the end, our beagle-lab mix had made a final, illicit foray into the kitchen garbage for meat scraps, which were fatally entwined with bits of aluminum foil. It did him in.
We adopted him when he was a year old, quelling demands for a dog from our ten-year-old son. Ken was charming but socially needy – a beagle trait I discovered when I came home to see that he had dealt with his anxiety over my absence from home by chewing through the arm of the living room couch, topping it off with an underwear chaser. Over the years we tried various gambits to keep both Ken and our furniture secure. Suffice to say that Ken’s lack of a dog whisperer prompted frequent redecorating.

Since I worked from home, every day was “take your dog to work day,” which both Ken and I found highly satisfying. Despite being only 30 pounds, he made me feel safe. His job was to protect home and hearth, and until his hearing started to go last year, no stranger approached without Ken woofing a shrill warning.

Ken lived in an era where dogs had become the new kids. I rolled my eyes when I dropped him at the groomer and heard her say, “Don’t worry, sweetie. Mommy will be back soon.” With four kids of my own, I was pretty clear that I was not Ken’s “Mommy.” I laughed at seeing sweater-clad dogs in strollers, advertisements for doggy day camp, doggy spas, holistic vet care, and doggy boutiques. Yet there was something poignant in them, too. As the childless and single population keeps rising steadily, pampering pooches offers a way for people to express their human yearning to nurture and to love. (I wonder if dressing dogs like children and treating them like four-legged celebrities explains another modern trend: doggy therapy.)

I admit that I wasn’t totally immune from the impact of this zeitgeist. I was relieved when the staff at The Loved Dog emailed a picture and reported that Ken was “socializing well” with other dogs while we were out of town. And I bought a raincoat for him because he so detested being out in the rain. The London Fog-style gear made him look like a doggy detective, his slim rawhide bone jutting out like a cigarette at a rakish angle.

Most Orthodox families don’t have dogs – having to take care of six or eight kids is more than enough responsibility, thank you very much. So when we welcomed guests who were trying out a traditional Shabbat experience, Ken’s warm greeting made our family seem more relatable and familiar. Our sleepover guests were also forgiving, or at least pretended to be, when Ken trotted into the dining room with the remains of a cinnamon Danish or box of Milk Duds in his mouth he had filched from their unzipped luggage.

“My wife would have killed me if she knew I was eating those again,” mumbled one abashed diner at our table.

I miss that old dog. I am still startled when he doesn’t greet me at the door. It feels wasteful scraping leftovers into the garbage instead of into his bowl. He made us laugh with his doggy antics and he had an uncanny sense when something was wrong. When I lay in bed with one of my frequent migraines, he lay next to me protectively, baring his teeth if anyone tried to move him from the bed, even my husband.
In Hebrew, the word for dog is kelev, which means “like a heart.” Anyone who has loved a dog can relate to how true this is.

A few days after we said goodbye to Ken, I asked one of my sons, “Do you think I’d be crazy to get another dog?” I was already gazing longingly at dogs on parade with their “human companions” in the neighborhood.

Before he could answer, his four-year-old daughter, witness to many of Ken’s messy antics, marched over and warned, “Don’t get another dog, Nana. Dogs are TROUBLE.”

We’ll see.

News and Notes from Judy

Dear Readers,

It’s not exactly news that I have been sending out far fewer columns of late. I’ve struggled with this decision because I love staying in close contact with my readers, and appreciate so much the emails I receive afterward. I miss that. But I also needed to stay tightly focused on finishing my next book, The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith, which will be published in a mere four weeks! I am very excited about this major milestone in my writing career, and hope you will like it, review it online, You can download an excerpt from it from the link above.

Many of you have already pre-ordered the book, and I thank you for that! For those who have not, please consider ordering from a “real” bookstore, the kind you have to drive or walk to. Yes, online sales and Amazon rankings are important, but lets support bricks-and-mortar bookstores so that we do not lose them altogether. Also, indie bookstores are extremely supportive of the authors of She Writes Press, my publisher, and it’s only right to support them in return. Not sure where the closest indie-owned bookstore is near you? Find one through IndieBound.org. Yes, my book will be distributed in Canada as well, and an e-version will be available in a few weeks.

 

L.A. Book Launch Party — September 10!

If you are in the Los Angeles area, I’d love to see you at my book launch party at The Community Shul on September 10, 8 p.m. You can buy books there, and I’ll be talking about the book as well as reading a few excerpts. Book signing and refreshments to follow!

If you hop over to my website, you will see some other changes as well, including a link to where I’ve had other recent articles, such as in The Chicago Tribune and Aish.com. I’ve also begun ghostwriting and book editing and enjoying working with my clients very much. If you have a writing project that requires guidance and an expert editorial eye and sharp writing, please contact me.

 

Catch up on my book reviews on Goodreads

Just a reminder that I am adding new book reviews on my Goodreads page frequently. Recent favorite reads have been “A Man Called Ove,” “Britt-Marie Was Here,” and “The Color of Water.”  And I hope you are a member of Goodreads, because I will be offering a second giveaway for my book that will begin August 23 and run through September 2.

Yes, a new column is here, too

Last week I couldn’t resist weighing in on the micro-tenure of Anthony Scarmucci as Communications Director in the Trump administration, and what it might say about our society’s potty-mouth tendencies.

This column appeared in the Jewish Journal. I hope you’ll add your own comments on the paper’s website and share it on your social media networks.

Anthony Scaramucci’s Profanities – and Ours

The ouster of trash-talking Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci from the Trump White House reinforces one of my strongest beliefs, which is that foul language is still foul.

Scaramucci’s 11-day tenure may have set a welcome record for the fastest in, fastest out of a supremely unqualified White House staffer. His tirade against chief of staff Reince Priebus and chief strategist Steve Bannon, during an interview with Ryan Lizza of The New Yorker, contained enough expletives to blow up a Trump Tower, and was published last Thursday on the magazine’s website with no tidying up of the expletives.

I imagine that aside from his NC-17 language, Scaramucci would still have been kicked out after the interview broke. He revealed himself as a man of incredibly poor judgment and an almost maniacal meanness. This guy was going to be a Communications Director? Wow, just wow.

Still, let’s face it: expletives in everyday talk have become epidemic. The definition of vulgarity has been defined increasingly down. I hope that the egregiousness of the Scaramucci episode might be a wake-up call that language still matters.

Admittedly, I’ve always been sensitive to harsh language, even though I grew up in a home where the worst expletive ever uttered – and that only in extremis, such as when the UCLA Bruins had just fumbled the ball at the ten-yard-line in the fourth quarter – now barely rates an ellipsis after the first letter in print. I already miss those fast-disappearing ellipses, which now appear as almost quaint.

When I first wrote about the topic of profanity about a dozen years ago, offering tip sheets to parents and teachers to help prevent or discourage swearing among kids, the studies I found about the impact on profanity almost uniformly agreed: the more people swore, the more they became desensitized to the inherent anger in those words, and the angrier they became as people. People who swore without restraint were usually seen by others as less intelligent, disciplined, and unhappier than their cleaner-talking friends and neighbors. Revisiting this topic just last week, I discovered that newer studies dismiss profanity’s desensitizing impact. Instead, researchers pat profanity-users on the head. Swearing is just cathartic, they say. It feels good, and is therefore good for you.

There’s a time and a place for profanity. I like the old-fashioned times and places: the battlefield, the moment when you accidentally drop a heavy book on your foot, and “Ouch!” just won’t cut it. Those days are gone, but everyone knows that language counts, it’s just that we’ve become oddly selective about what words and phrases cause outrage. On college campuses, you can hardly say the word “white” or “American” or “rape” without mass fainting spells and demands for punishment for the speaker. Racial epithets, which are terrible and dehumanizing, are still somehow okay if used by someone of the same race. But we are also euphemism-happy, calling a used car “pre-owned” and referring to a job firing as a “department realignment.” That politician didn’t lie, she “misspoke.” And on and on.

The free-flying and promiscuous use of foul language – as verbs, nouns, adjectives, as anything and therefore as nothing – is only making our uncivil society less civil than ever. And our kids are listening, copying our actions and our words. Do we really want to live in a society where everyone is swearing all the time? If we do, what words will we have left to express true outrage, anger, fear or frustration? They’ve all been used up, empty and yet coarse at the same time.

How ironic that we are increasingly careful about what we put into our mouths, fearful of GMOs, pesticides, additives, and food dyes, but heedless of the words we are spraying like verbal toxins into the atmosphere? If we are what we eat, aren’t we also what we speak?

Judaism recognizes this truth. The laws of lashon hara, literally “bad speech,” are vast and intricate. They cover everything from implied insults to name-calling and certainly any outright profane language. The laws are so sweeping because it’s our speech that makes us human, and our words can hurt, or our words can heal.

Isn’t it time to rethink our promiscuous use of profanity?

Hat’s Off to My Wonderful Husband on Father’s Day

As Father’s Day approached this year, I had no fear. Unlike many years, when I had no clue what I could give my gift-averse husband, I thought I had the gift thing in the bag. This was no easy trick. Longtime readers will be familiar with the occasional column in which I work out my frustration at buying clothing for my husband, only to have to return the shirt/jacket/pants because the man insisted that “he didn’t need it” or found it not quite to his taste. I suppose it’s very nice to have such an unmaterialistic husband, one who sees the good in everyone and even in every item in his closet. This has forced me to point out frayed collars and shirts that have grown as sheer as flimsy gauze after thousands of washings.

Do you have any idea what sort of Herculean self-control it took for me not to chortle out loud and spit my seltzer across the room when my husband called to report that he had split his pants bending over at a job site? He had not outgrown the pants, but the pants had announced their retirement at an inopportune moment. I value my marriage too much to have said, “Serves you right!” but don’t think I wasn’t tempted. So what did he do? He untucked his shirt to cover up and kept working. Though frankly, I’m surprised that no one asked him where he bought the pants. Few things are more trendy today than brand new clothes that look like they’ve been through the shredder. They cost twice what clothes that are still materially intact cost. We are too old-fashioned to think giant air vents in our clothing are going to be a flattering look for either of us.

But it wasn’t pants I had in my sights; it was a hat. Jeff’s daily hat of choice, a once-elegant topper he got from a customer long ago, also had signs of terminal wear and tear. Voila! I ran out and bought him a new hat, saving it for Father’s Day. But two weeks before the big day, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Unable to contain my excitement, and wanting to lift his spirits after a terribly aggravating day at work, I presented him with the box. Even I had to admit the fit of the hat was a bit off. He promised me that on Father’s Day we’d exchange it at the hat store.

And then, the man who can’t stand shopping has the chutzpah to text me a photo of himself — Friday before Father’s Day — wearing a big smile and a new hat. He boasted that he bought not one, but two new hats at an outdoor kiosk. “Now we don’t have to go shopping!” he said, like that was a good thing.

My husband after an unexpected moment of retail therapy. My gift plans are foiled again!

Well, he may be hard to buy for (except books, so thank goodness for that!) but I salute my husband as one fantastic husband and father. In today’s world, where we read and hear of so many stories about absent fathers, uncaring fathers, fathers who walk out on their families, my husband is the old-fashioned kind of man, in the very best sense of the phrase. He is unstintingly dedicated, loving, patient, and hard-working. He has taught the kids through example that building a successful marriage, putting God and family before yourself, commitment to spiritual growth, and of course, relaxing with music and a glass of fine wine, are all keys to a happy and meaningful life. He’s taught them wise aphorisms such as “Work before play,” “Let’s keep the main thing, the main thing,” “Ask the Almighty to help give you clarity,” “Remember that we have so much more in common than what may divide us,” and, my personal favorite, “We’ll do whatever Mom says.”

So honey, this column’s for you. I forgive you for making me return yet another present. I guess we’ll fire up the grill, put some beers in the fridge, and have a barbeque.

Happy Father’s Day!

 

My book is almost here!
My book is almost here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, look what’s coming soon! Enter the giveaway on Goodreads to win a signed copy (Giveaway ends July 1). Pre-order now! Publication date is September 5.

“This marvelous book should connect with the widest possible readership – ferociously religious or fervently secular; Jewish, Christian or humanist; baby boomer, Gen X’er or millennial . . . Judy’s relationship with Judaism comes across as a serious romance, but one that raises as many new life questions as it settles. The call to ‘rules, rituals and restraint’ that she associates with Rabbi Daniel Lapin, her teacher (and mine), don’t bring an end to thinking and choosing but provide a means to think more deeply and choose more richly.”  — Michael Medved, author of The American Miracle: Divine Providence in the Rise of the Republic

“Judy Gruen writes with down-to-earth warmth and humor about her personal spiritual journey. As she navigates family, friendship, love, loss, parenting, and community, you will root for her like you would cheer on a new best friend―someone who you just know somehow cares for and understands you, too.”  —Lori Palatnik, founding director of the Jewish Women’s Renaissance Project

“Judy Gruen shares a message of sanity so vital today: you can be spiritual, sane and yourself in the modern world. She writes with delightful humor and depth about her unexpected path to a life of Jewish commitment.” — Rabbi David Aaron, author of The God-Powered Life

— Michael Medved, author of The American Miracle: Divine Providence in the Rise of the Republic